I’m a nun and I’ve been social distancing for 29 years. Here are tips for staying home amid coronavirus fears.
By Sister Mary Catharine Perry, as told to Cassidy Grom
For the past 29 years, I’ve chosen to practice social distancing. Of course, I and the 17 other nuns I live with don’t call it that.
We are formally called cloistered sisters, meaning we never leave our walled-off monastery in Summit except for doctors’ visits or perhaps shopping for a specific item. We don’t go to parties or weddings or out to eat with friends. I often go months without leaving our 8-acre home.
The coronavirus is forcing many people in New Jersey and across the world to stay home, limit outside contact — and in a way, start living life like cloistered nuns.
Of course, this virus is not good. Sickness never is. And I understand that this sudden shift in our society is frightening. As someone who has lived a life of separation, I’d like to share from my experience how you can make the best of it.
First, you need to establish structure.
Your normal day-to-day lives have structure imposed on them from the outside; you have to catch the train at a certain time to go to work, you have school recess at the same time every day. These things give you a sense of consistency and rhythm.
Now that you are stuck at home, create a schedule for yourself and your family. At the monastery, we wake up at the same time every day and get fully dressed (no pajamas). We have planned time for prayer, worship, work, eating and fun. Our days usually have a peaceful rhythm. This might take some experimentation; each household is different and for many, it might be the first time they spend an extended period of time with roommates or family.
Second, be intentional and love others.
It is easy to get caught up in making sure you and your loved ones are safe and your needs are met. We are in uncharted territory and these reactions are understandable. However, we should fight against self-centered urges. Call older people in your neighborhood and ask how they are doing, if they need anything.
Give the gift of your time. Cook meals with your family and play games. It is interesting that a lot of people are frightened by this extended time at home because the core structure of society is the family unit. Maybe this is a good opportunity for all of us to strengthen those family bonds, and our efforts will have an effect on the wider community.
Don’t hide from roommates under the guise of needing to work; get to know them and learn to enjoy their company. At the monastery, the prayer bell rings and it forces me to stop working and to focus on why I’m really here. It reminds me to leave the project at hand (whether that is making candles or soap, operating our gift shop, gardening or working in the kitchen), and join my sisters. The projects that I am working on aren’t bad; they are good, but sometimes I can allow myself to be too busy.
Dear Sister Mary Catharine,
As a former Lay Ciscertian member at Holy Cross Abbey in Berryville, VA (Virginiatrappists.org) I was thinking that they were already social distancing and I envied them. They live a beautiful life and only wish I was a monk! Too old now. I live in a community of 19 houses and being retired, I hardly leave the premise since I have enough food, etc. Sometimes I feel like a monk here. I do miss my daily Masses and can’t wait for that to happen again. Soon, Lord! I did get to confession hidden behind a draped curtain. I always went face-to-face and so for me it was a bit strange! Can’t hide from the Lord.
Our parish has adoration still and that is good. Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays and now First Friday and Saturday we will have an all-night adoration.
About two months ago I went out to visit my nephew who lives up on a mountain and a mile down the mountain road is a Dominican Monastery with about 13 nuns, who, I’m assuming, are the same order as you. We stopped in and a sister came to the door thinking we were from the mail department! She went back inside and talked to us through a small grate. We laughed. She said we could go inside to see the area where Mass is held but don’t step on the wooden floors! I came back a week later and attended a Saturday at 7:30 AM Mass. Two Dominican Priest from Washington, DC concelebrated. The Deacon was the father of the young priest. We could see all 13 sisters at an angle and when they all came up to receive communion we saw them. They want to build another chapel – sister asked us the week before that if we had 9 million, it would help! Well, I got to feed my dogs.
What the heck did you have in your basket? Some kind of herb? Would you be drying it?